Then your spouse dies suddenly.

Before you have time to grieve, the family starts fighting, the locks get changed, the mail stops arriving, and the basic stability of your life begins to slip away. Without the right legal planning, that kind of loss can trigger a chain reaction that is brutally hard to stop.

That is one of the clearest estate planning lessons in the reported story of Marie-Thérèse Ross-Mahé, an 86-year-old French widow who moved to Alabama to marry her first love. After her husband died without a will, she became trapped in a dispute over his estate and, days later, according to public reporting, was arrested by ICE and detained for 16 days.

No estate plan could have prevented every part of what happened to her. But a strong plan could have reduced confusion and created more protection for the surviving spouse.

And if she and her husband had an ongoing relationship with a Personal Family Lawyer®, she likely would not have been left to face those first days alone.

This is why estate planning matters. It is about protecting the people you love when they cannot protect themselves.

The Story Starts Long Before the Arrest

Ross-Mahé and her husband first fell in love decades ago, found each other again after both had been widowed, and in 2025, she moved to the United States, married him, and applied for a green card.

Then he died in January 2026 without a will.

When someone dies without a will, they have died intestate. That means state law decides who inherits, who has authority, and how the estate gets handled. In a later-in-life marriage involving adult children, real estate, separate assets, and cross-border issues, that can become a perfect storm.

What many families call an inheritance fight is often a planning failure that was waiting to happen.

The bottom line: If you are in a second marriage, a later-in-life marriage, or a blended family, you need a plan that is clear, current, and legally enforceable. Love does not eliminate confusion. Grief does not prevent conflict.

Rights on Paper Do Not Protect You at the Front Door

Ross-Mahé may have had legal rights as a surviving spouse under Alabama law. But legal rights on paper are not the same as real-world protection.

According to her family and court proceedings, after her husband died, there were allegations of intimidation, redirected mail, and attempts to take control of the home and estate assets. Whether every allegation is ultimately proven is up to the legal process. The larger estate planning lesson is clear: when authority is vague, someone often tries to seize control.

A strong estate plan is designed to reduce that risk.

For many families, that means having:

• A valid will
• A revocable living trust, when appropriate
• Clear instructions about who has the authority to act
• Updated beneficiary designations
• Powers of attorney for financial and health care decisions
• Written guidance for what should happen right after a death

Without those pieces, survivors are often left trying to prove relationships, track assets, access accounts, and defend themselves while still in shock.

The bottom line: Estate planning is about control, timing, access, and protection in the first days and weeks after a death. One missing document can create a crisis.

The Family You Love Is Not the Same as the System They Face

One of the most dangerous assumptions in estate planning is this: my family will work it out.

Blended families carry an extra emotional charge. Adult children may feel protective. A surviving spouse may feel isolated. Old resentments can surface.

If that family is also dealing with a house, personal property, bank accounts, retirement funds, and unclear authority, conflict can escalate fast.

That is why later-in-life couples need to make deliberate choices while both people are alive and well. Who stays in the home? What can the surviving spouse use? What goes to children? Who manages the estate? None of it should be left to guesswork.

This kind of planning is especially important when one spouse has moved countries, depends on the other for housing or paperwork, or has fewer local support systems.

The bottom line: If your plan depends on everyone being reasonable later, you do not have a plan.

The Mail, the House, the Accounts, the Clock

Ross-Mahé told the court her mail had been redirected, which allegedly caused her to miss an immigration appointment. That highlights a truth most families do not see until it is too late: after a death, the practical systems of life keep moving.

Bills still come. Deadlines still run. Government notices still arrive.

If the surviving spouse does not have immediate access to information, money, housing, and authority, the damage can multiply quickly.

Think about how fast this can unfold:

• A missed notice can trigger an immigration problem
• A frozen account can leave someone without cash for basic expenses
• A fight over the house can create immediate housing instability
• Unclear authority can delay probate and drain the estate through legal fees

This matters to ordinary families, too. If there is a home, a bank account, a retirement account, or a business, there is something at risk.

The bottom line: The real emergency after a death is often administrative before it is financial. Your plan needs to work on day one, not six months later.

If Your Family Spans More Than One Country, the Stakes Double

Ross-Mahé was not only a surviving spouse. She was also living in a new country, navigating immigration status, and relying on a system of notices, appointments, and records that became harder to manage after her husband died.

If your spouse was born in another country, owns property abroad, has dual citizenship, is seeking permanent residency, or relies on immigration filings connected to the marriage, your estate plan cannot stop with a will. It needs to account for the real-life systems your family depends on.

That can include:

• Keeping immigration records organized and accessible
• Making sure trusted people know where key documents are
• Coordinating with both estate planning and immigration counsel
• Clarifying who can receive mail, notices, and legal information
• Planning for what happens if a spouse dies before an application is approved
• Making sure the surviving spouse has immediate access to money, housing, and support

If your family lives across borders, that risk increases.

The bottom line: If your family life touches more than one country, your planning needs to reflect that reality. A basic domestic will may not be enough.

What I Would Be Doing Right Now

If this family were mine, I would not be waiting for the legal system to sort itself out.

The first thing I would do is sit with her, in person or by phone, and walk through her legal rights as a surviving spouse. Those rights exist even without a will. The problem is that rights on paper do not protect you at the front door. Someone still has to know how to exercise them, and that is not a conversation to have alone while you are still in shock.

I would make sure she had immediate access to whatever funds were available to cover housing, food, and daily expenses while the estate was sorted. I would work to document her right to remain in the marital home. I would coordinate with her immigration attorney, or help her find one, to make sure no deadline was slipping by while her attention was consumed by grief and conflict.

I would locate every key document: the deed to the house, the bank accounts, the immigration file, and any life insurance policies. I would make sure trusted people knew exactly where those documents were and who had authority to act on them.

And I would be the one answering the phone when things got confusing.

Because what a surviving spouse often needs most in those first days is not just legal advice. It is someone who already knows her family, already knows her situation, and already knows who to call.

That is what I mean when I say we build a relationship, not just a plan.

Why Getting Help Matters

If your family includes a second marriage, adult children from prior relationships, real estate, or cross-border issues, this is not a do-it-yourself project. The right plan has to work in real life, under stress, with actual human beings involved.

A good estate planning process helps you see the risks your family may not spot on its own, then build a plan that protects the people you love from confusion, conflict, and unnecessary harm. With a Personal Family Lawyer, the value is also having a trusted advisor who can be there for your family when you cannot.

What You Can Do Right Now

If the people you love would be vulnerable after your death or incapacity, do not leave them with uncertainty. As a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm, we help you create a Legacy Vision Plan that is designed to work when your family actually needs it, not just look complete on paper. We do not just draft documents. We build a relationship with you and your family so there is someone your loved ones can turn to when something happens and you cannot be there. Schedule a complimentary 15-minute discovery call and let us help you understand what would happen to your family if something happened to you: 

The post Her Husband Died Without a Will. Then ICE Came to the Door. appeared first on Law Office of Ruby Steinbrecher.

This week, I’m covering two more reasons why every LGBTQ+ family needs custom estate planning. 

And if you missed last week’s blog, make sure to read it here to get the full scoop.

Let’s get started!

03 | Most Traditional Lawyers Aren’t Well Equipped to Serve LGBTQ+ Families

Although same-gender and LGBTQ+ relationships are more publicly recognized now than ever, creating effective estate plans for LGBTQ+ clients is still new territory for many traditional lawyers. 

Some lawyers simply lack experience serving LGBTQ+ families because these families didn’t have the same rights as cisgender couples until just eight years ago – and while that’s nearly a decade, it’s only a fraction of most lawyers’ practicing careers. For traditional lawyers who are in their 30th year of practice, new developments in LGBTQ+ planning are still fairly foreign.

The same is true for many LGBTQ+ families. In addition to same-gender marriage being relatively new, many LGBTQ+ families haven’t pursued estate planning due to a lack of knowledge about its importance or its availability to them. After all, only 30% of American adults have an estate plan, (yikes!), and only a small portion of that 30% are in a LGBTQ+ relationship.

For lawyers who create cookie-cutter plans for their clients (which is more lawyers than you’d like to think), the amount of custom estate planning language necessary to make an effective plan for an LGBTQ+ family is more than many lawyers know how to do or want to do. 

That leaves a shocking number of traditional attorneys who simply aren’t prepared or experienced enough to serve LGBTQ+ families in a way that creates effective plans and also honors their family and their legacy.

Sadly, some traditional lawyers don’t feel comfortable serving LGBTQ+ families and don’t even accept them as clients! 

Because of this, it’s crucial to work with an attorney who isn’t just comfortable working with LGBTQ+ families, but is passionate about getting to know your family on a personal level and creating a plan that celebrates all that you’ve done and all that you hope for your family in the future.

04 | Keep Your Kids with the Ones They Love

If you’re in an LGBTQ+ relationship, you know that family isn’t just about bloodlines – it’s also about your chosen family and the bond and love you share for each other. 

And if you have children, you know that ensuring their well-being and protection is of the utmost importance. 

In the event that something happens to you, it’s crucial to have a plan in place that addresses who will be your children’s legal guardian, and this is especially true if the children in your family aren’t biologically related to one of the parents, such as step-children or children born to same-sex parents who aren’t married.

Not only can these situations create some unique legal planning, but LGBTQ+ parents may also face resistance from family members who may not support children living with a biologically unrelated guardian or an LGBTQ+ guardian, whether you and your partner were married or not.

Similarly, if your family is resistant to certain lifestyle or parenting choices you have made – such as gender fluidity in how you raise your child or the topics you discuss within your family – it’s incredibly important to name guardians who align with your beliefs and who will honor your wishes for how you want your children to be raised.

Legal Guardians Are Even More Important for LGBTQ+ Families

To avoid potential disputes and ensure the continuity of care for your children, it’s essential to designate legal guardians for your children explicitly in your estate plan. By doing so, you can legally establish who you want to care for your children in your absence regardless of the guardian’s relationship to your children or their sexual orientation.

By documenting who you would want to raise your children clearly and legally, you help ensure that your children will always be raised by the people you choose and the people your children love. 

Otherwise, you leave space for relatives who do not agree with your beliefs to try to take over the position of guardian and raise your children in a way you would not agree with – possibly even keeping them away from the other parent figures in their life.

Choose a Lawyer Who Understands and Honors Your Unique Family

Finding a lawyer who truly understands your unique situation is crucial in making sure your loved ones are taken care of by people who love and respect them, regardless of biology or sexual orientation. You deserve a plan that celebrates your love, family, and future.

This Pride Month, celebrate all that you are by protecting everything you love. As your Personal Family Lawyer®, I understand the unique challenges that LGBTQ+ families face. That’s why I don’t practice law in the traditional way.

Instead, I put heart at the center of my practice – making sure to truly get to know you, your loved ones, and your needs so you can not only protect your family and document your wishes but create a legacy and a story for your loved ones that they’ll cherish for years to come.

To learn more about how I serve LGBTQ+ families differently, schedule a free 15-minute discovery call at the link below.

Happy Pride Month!

The post The Importance of Customized Estate Planning for LGBTQ+ Relationships (Part 2) appeared first on Law Office of Ruby Steinbrecher.

Estate planning laws are still written for hetero, cisgender individuals, and many lawyers aren’t well equipped to customize their estate plans to account for the unique family dynamics and wishes of LGBTQ+ clients. Sadly, if you have LGBTQ+ family members or are in a non-traditional family dynamic of any kind and don’t have a custom estate plan, the people you love most could find themselves accidentally disinherited from your estate or stuck in a lengthy and expensive court battle.

To make sure your family is well-cared for no matter how the law defines you, keep reading to learn why customized estate planning is so crucial for LGBTQ+ and all non-traditional humans.

01 | Care for Your Family as You Define It

The concept of family has expanded far beyond the confines of the traditional “nuclear family.” Gratefully, we now celebrate the beautiful diversity of family structures, encompassing same-gender couples, unmarried partners, civil unions, polyamorous relationships, and an array of other unique family dynamics. However, when it comes to death or incapacity, the law still lags behind, often failing to accommodate non-traditional family units in ways that you would choose.

If you die without an estate plan in place, the law will apply the state’s default estate plan to your unique situation. Under the law’s default plan, your possessions and money will pass to your next closest relatives by blood or marriage. If you aren’t legally married to your partner or partners, the people you love will be automatically disinherited in the event of your death.

Likewise, if you have children that are unrelated to you genetically who you haven’t formally adopted, like a partner’s child or stepchild, those children will not receive anything from your estate after you die. Even if you’re married to the child’s parent, the law does not recognize a stepchild as a direct descendant and therefore doesn’t include them in its default plan.

To make sure the people you love — your chosen family – are taken care of, no matter how the law labels your family, it’s important to create a custom estate plan that ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes and that your partners, children, and chosen family members are protected and cared for if something happens to you, even if may not be recognized under default inheritance laws.

02 | Protect Your Financial and Health Care Rights

If you ever wondered who would take care of you and your things if you become ill or incapacitated, your first thought is probably your partner. Right? After all, it seems like common sense that your partner of ten years (or 2 years, or 5 years, or 20!) should be the one to make healthcare decisions for you or pay your bills.

But unfortunately, the law doesn’t operate based on what might seem like common sense when we look at our everyday lives and relationships. The law doesn’t assume that you’d want any particular person making decisions for you if you become incapacitated. Instead, your family members will need to go through a stressful court guardianship procedure to be granted decision-making power by a judge.

If your family members can’t come to an agreement on who should be your decision-maker, the court may assign a professional guardian – a complete stranger – to make decisions for you instead!

To avoid court involvement altogether, it’s vital to name your chosen decision-makers – your Powers of Attorney –  long in advance of ever needing them. This is especially important if you want to choose a decision-maker who isn’t related to you by blood or if you want to make sure that any certain lifestyle choices or beliefs such as a special diet, style of dress, or hormone therapy are still carried out if you’re incapacitated. 

If you don’t put these wishes on paper and name someone you trust to uphold them, it’s likely a judge won’t appoint your chosen decision-maker. In this case, the person the judge chooses can make whatever decisions for you they feel is best, even if that means ignoring your chosen gender expression or identity.

No one expects to become incapacitated due to an illness or injury, but sadly, it happens. Legally naming a decision maker in advance and talking about your wishes with them and your extended family helps safeguard your rights and ensures that your wishes for how you are cared for are honored while avoiding family conflict as much as possible.

Work With a Lawyer Who Understands You

Protecting your family and your wishes as an LGBTQ+ individual requires the guidance and expertise of a lawyer who understands your unique circumstances and desires for your family. That’s where we come in.

While the law may still fall short in accommodating the diverse family structures and dynamics that exist today, we understand that every family is different, and we know how to craft a custom plan that not only protects your loved ones and ensures your wishes are honored, but also embodies the values, beliefs, and stories that make your family unique.

If you want to make sure your LGBTQ+ family will be cared for and supported no matter what the future holds, schedule a free 15-minute discovery call with us to learn more about how I serve LGBTQ+ families differently than other lawyers. Then, check back in two weeks when I cover part two of this blog.

The post The Importance of Customized Estate Planning for LGBTQ+ Relationships (Part 1) appeared first on Law Office of Ruby Steinbrecher.

What Are the Pros?

If you want to provide an inheritance to a mature child or loved one that you trust to make prudent financial decisions, a beneficiary-controlled controlled trust is a strategy that you should consider. Even beneficiaries who handle money wisely could encounter situations in which their money and property are vulnerable to creditors’ claims, divorce, lawsuits, or estate taxes: a beneficiary-controlled trust can protect the property held in the trust against those claims. Although you can include terms in the trust document that limit the degree of involvement and control you would like the beneficiary to have, a beneficiary-controlled trust can still enable the beneficiary to have a considerable amount of control over their inheritance and how it is used.

Beneficiary as sole trustee. Under most states’ laws, even if a beneficiary is the sole trustee, most creditors may not reach the beneficiary’s interest in the trust or compel the trustee to make a distribution if the trustee is not required, but has the discretion, to make distributions based on an ascertainable standard, for example, distributions for the beneficiary’s health, education, maintenance, and support (HEMS). Also, even if a beneficiary is the sole trustee, the trustee has a fiduciary duty to adhere to the trust’s requirement to make distributions only for the beneficiary’s HEMS and is not permitted to make distributions to the beneficiary’s creditors. However, once the trustee makes a distribution to themselves as a beneficiary, the creditor may then be able to reach the funds.

This type of provision provides two additional benefits. First, the HEMS standard provides a safe harbor under the Internal Revenue Code (I.R.C.), and its use will prevent the value of the money and property in the trust from being included in your beneficiary’s gross estate for estate tax purposes. Second, depending upon the unique circumstances of each beneficiary and if there is low risk of creditors’ claims or lawsuits, naming the primary beneficiary as the sole trustee, along with the HEMS standard for distributions, may reduce expenses during administration of the trust because the fees required for an independent co-trustee would not be incurred.

Beneficiary as co-trustee. Another option that provides enhanced protection for the trust’s assets such as money and property is to name the beneficiary as a trustee authorized to manage and invest the trust’s assets, and to name an independent co-trustee (sometimes called a distribution trustee) who is responsible for making discretionary trust distributions to the beneficiary. Although it is more complicated and expensive to include an additional independent trustee empowered to make distributions in their sole discretion, it provides a greater degree of asset protection for property held by the trust and for the primary beneficiary indirectly. In addition, the independent trustee does not need to be limited to distributions according to the HEMS standard. Rather, the independent trustee may distribute trust property to the beneficiary for any reason without reducing the level of asset protection. Typically, the trust’s terms still provide the beneficiary with a significant degree of control, not directly over the amount or timing of distributions, but over who serves as the independent co-trustee. The beneficiary is permitted to select the independent trustee as long as that trustee is actually independent—not a related party or a person subordinate to the beneficiary as defined by I.R.C. § 672(c)—and still avoid having the property held by the trust included in their estate for estate tax purposes. In addition, the beneficiary may replace the independent trustee at any time and for any reason. If the beneficiary is facing a heightened risk of lawsuits, divorce, or creditors’ claims, they could resign as the trustee and appoint an independent trustee to serve in their place, providing additional protection for the trust’s assets.

What Are the Cons?

May not protect against all creditors. Some states’ laws provide exceptions that preclude beneficiary-controlled trusts from being used to protect trust assets from claims by certain creditors, for example, a former spouse’s claim for alimony or a claim for child support. In those states, the creditor may be able to reach the trust’s property to satisfy those claims or to compel a distribution that it can then use to satisfy the claims.

May provide too much control for some beneficiaries. For beneficiaries who are not skilled at managing money or have poor judgment, a beneficiary-controlled trust may not be the best estate planning strategy. Although the trust document will specify the beneficiary’s responsibilities as a fiduciary, a beneficiary-controlled trust provides the beneficiary with considerable control over their inheritance. Even if a beneficiary who is also the sole trustee may only make HEMS distributions to themselves, to a large extent, it is up to them to determine if a particular distribution meets that standard, permitting them substantial leeway in how the money or property held by the trust is expended. If you are concerned that a beneficiary will not be able to handle the responsibility of also being a trustee for a beneficiary-controlled trust, other estate planning solutions may provide you with more peace of mind.

If you would like to find out more about whether a beneficiary-controlled trust is a strategy that will work for you and your family, give us a call to set up an appointment. We can help you think through how to design your beneficiary-controlled trust in a way that achieves your goals and protects the inheritance you want to leave for family members and loved ones.

The post What You Need to Know About Beneficiary-Controlled Trust appeared first on Law Office of Ruby Steinbrecher.